25 Reasons Why Sarcasm Is the Best Accessory in the World

Screen Shot 2014-10-15 at 10.05.29 PM

Oscar Wilde once said that “sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” While I do recognize him as a literary genius, I’m going to discount that quote as complete and utter-bullshit.

My fluency in sarcasm holds no bounds and I truly believe that it has contributed to an overall better quality of life.

Everyone has that one thing they won’t leave their house without—sometimes it’s a special keepsake, a mirror, emergency cash, so on and so forth. That one thing for me is sarcasm.

The psychological community tends to believe that sarcasm is a deflection of emotion, an attempt at drawing attention to oneself, and a defensive mechanism protecting insecurity.

To the psychological community I say: yes, sarcasm is all of those things—hence why it’s so fucking great.

If you aren’t convinced yet, keep reading:

  1. Sarcasm allows you to make fun of people without them catching on as quickly
  2. People never know whether you’re being serious or not—which is amusing
  3. Sarcasm is a foolproof way of deflecting insults back onto other people
  4. Sarcasm is great foreplay (not in bed necessarily, just during the whole pre-clothes-off, flirting stage)
  5. Statistically, sarcastic people live longer
  6. There’s evidence to support that sarcastic people are immune to a variety of viruses—anything ranging from Ebola to The Common Cold
  7. Coincidentally, sarcastic people are also immune to bullshit
  8. Sarcasm makes your brain work faster, which makes you smarter then everyone around you
  9. It’s been suggested that sarcastic people do, in fact, know everything
  10. Individuals with a keen grasp on sarcasm are generally better looking
  11. Fluency in sarcasm is a good skill to add to any resume
  12. In conjunction, sarcasm is the most commonly spoken language in the world
  13. Both president George Washington and president Abraham Lincoln were described as sarcastic, yet effective leaders
  14. Some of the greatest works of art in the world were created under the influence of sarcasm
  15. The sarcasm gene is biologically a genetic defect only found in awesome people
  16. Sarcasm is the best way to not respect your elders
  17. Sarcasm is often linked to a lack of moral compass which makes these individuals the most fun to go to parties with—or commit a crime with
  18. Both Harvard and Princeton University petitioned to make Sarcasm a major but they decided it was too similar to practicing law
  19. Sarcasm is a leading cause in making people your bitch
  20. Sarcasm is a preventative solution to wrinkles, baldness, erectile dysfunction, and being a whiney complainer that nobody likes
  21. Beyoncé originally planned to name her first born Sarcasm, but thought Blue was more fitting for a human
  22. The first documentation of Sarcasm leads all the way to the Cro-Magnons
  23. Marie Antoinette died in the name of sarcasm. She was being sarcastic when she said, “Let them eat cake”—everyone was too hungry to understand her wit.
  24. Sarcasm takes ordinarily boring circumstances and makes them bearable
  25. After a certain point, sarcasm can’t be learned or bought so if you got it, flaunt it

Melissa Copelton | News Cult

Advertisements