25 Reasons Why Sarcasm Is the Best Accessory in the World
Oscar Wilde once said that “sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” While I do recognize him as a literary genius, I’m going to discount that quote as complete and utter-bullshit.
My fluency in sarcasm holds no bounds and I truly believe that it has contributed to an overall better quality of life.
Everyone has that one thing they won’t leave their house without—sometimes it’s a special keepsake, a mirror, emergency cash, so on and so forth. That one thing for me is sarcasm.
The psychological community tends to believe that sarcasm is a deflection of emotion, an attempt at drawing attention to oneself, and a defensive mechanism protecting insecurity.
To the psychological community I say: yes, sarcasm is all of those things—hence why it’s so fucking great.
If you aren’t convinced yet, keep reading:
- Sarcasm allows you to make fun of people without them catching on as quickly
- People never know whether you’re being serious or not—which is amusing
- Sarcasm is a foolproof way of deflecting insults back onto other people
- Sarcasm is great foreplay (not in bed necessarily, just during the whole pre-clothes-off, flirting stage)
- Statistically, sarcastic people live longer
- There’s evidence to support that sarcastic people are immune to a variety of viruses—anything ranging from Ebola to The Common Cold
- Coincidentally, sarcastic people are also immune to bullshit
- Sarcasm makes your brain work faster, which makes you smarter then everyone around you
- It’s been suggested that sarcastic people do, in fact, know everything
- Individuals with a keen grasp on sarcasm are generally better looking
- Fluency in sarcasm is a good skill to add to any resume
- In conjunction, sarcasm is the most commonly spoken language in the world
- Both president George Washington and president Abraham Lincoln were described as sarcastic, yet effective leaders
- Some of the greatest works of art in the world were created under the influence of sarcasm
- The sarcasm gene is biologically a genetic defect only found in awesome people
- Sarcasm is the best way to not respect your elders
- Sarcasm is often linked to a lack of moral compass which makes these individuals the most fun to go to parties with—or commit a crime with
- Both Harvard and Princeton University petitioned to make Sarcasm a major but they decided it was too similar to practicing law
- Sarcasm is a leading cause in making people your bitch
- Sarcasm is a preventative solution to wrinkles, baldness, erectile dysfunction, and being a whiney complainer that nobody likes
- Beyoncé originally planned to name her first born Sarcasm, but thought Blue was more fitting for a human
- The first documentation of Sarcasm leads all the way to the Cro-Magnons
- Marie Antoinette died in the name of sarcasm. She was being sarcastic when she said, “Let them eat cake”—everyone was too hungry to understand her wit.
- Sarcasm takes ordinarily boring circumstances and makes them bearable
- After a certain point, sarcasm can’t be learned or bought so if you got it, flaunt it
Melissa Copelton | News Cult