What do you give Russian President Vladimir Putin, who has everything, for his birthday?

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President Putin just celebrated his 62nd birthday, gift time!!

Considering he can and does get everything he wants; like the new land he just acquired for himself (supposedly for Russia, not his own ambitions), and pretty much does what he wants whenever he wants – I’d say that is one hard man to buy for. 

I have trouble buying for girlfriend let alone the saviour of ‘Mother Russia.’

So here are some gift ideas for anyone gearing up for President Putin’s birthday next year…

  1. A planet filled with endless elements to produce anything the divine leader requires.
  2. A unicorn for all of Putin’s glorious rugged picture opportunities.
  3. A secret surveillance system setup in President Obama’s bedroom.
  4. A soft toy of Ron Paul he can snuggle up to at night and stick pins in the second he decides to side with someone else.
  5. A cyborg army ready to defeat all of Putin’s opponents at a whim, that only responds to his unique soothing voice.
  6. The deed to Alaska, which Russia still kicks itself for selling.
  7. The rest of Ukraine since they’re having such a hard time getting it.
  8. Any Western news agency willing to push Russian propaganda at will.
  9. A woman strong enough to wrestle a bear and look good in all official government pictures, whilst being able to tackle federal problems to let her ‘whittle pooty’ rest up
  10. Last but not least, what’s wrong with a nice simple birthday cake!!!……. with the keys to the White House of course.

Jamie Kennedy | News Cult