How To Make Netflix Matter In The Real World: Orange Is The New Black

Screen Shot 2014-09-25 at 5.05.30 PM

Last week I began to feel a void in my life and like any true-blooded American, I thought it best to fill that void by purchasing things I don’t need. I began with a few articles of clothing, followed by a pair of boots and lastly a new purse. While I felt a noticeable shrinking of the void it was still looming over me, antagonizing me to buy more.

I thought to myself “what can I purchase that will make a true difference in my life? Is there something I can buy that will remain by my side through thick and thin, rain or shine, in sickness and in health?” Suddenly, the sky opened up and a logo appeared—“NETFLIX.”

Netflix and I have been going strong for about 2 weeks now and I must say that we are very much in love.

My first Netflix conquest was “Orange is The New Black.” It wasn’t easy but through extreme determination and sleep deprivation I completed the 2-season-series in a mere 4 days.

With all 26 episodes behind me, I began to analyze what makes the show so successful.

I came up with a list of things ranging from believable dialogue to political undertones but alas those weren’t the things that captivated me for a solid 96 hours.

Then it hit me—the reason I love this series is because every woman on that show is someone I’ve met before. I don’t mean “met” in the literal sense but rather every character on that show is a different archetype for every girl I’ve ever known. These characters are the perfect representation of everything that makes women both wonderful and horrible all at once.

Bear with me—I promise this will began to make perfect sense.

Piper Chapman-The Impulsive One

We all have that one girlfriend whose tagline should be “stories over standards.” She doesn’t think, and when she does think it’s always “go-go-go.” There is rarely a moment in her life when she stops and says to herself “is this a good idea?” She’s adventurous, carefree, often stubborn, and at times, a little too self-involved. She can be a train-wreck but the sort of wreck that makes a really big beautiful explosion of light and color before destroying everything around it.

Alex Vause-The Manipulator


Ever meet a girl who gets mad at you for being mad at them and then somehow you feel like the guilty one? This individual is clever and has a clear grasp on human behavior. She is able to analyze a situation where she is at fault and quickly turn it on those around her. Her manipulation doesn’t necessarily come from malice. She isn’t vindictive—she simply has a hard time accepting responsibility. She is strong, a bit-hard-headed, and will protect you whole heartedly—unless you’re on her bad side.

Galina “Red” Reznikov-The Mother Hen

This is the friend who always has something to say about how you’re living your life. She generally communicates through tough love. This girl will always give it to you straight. While she can be harsh, she means well. She wants to see you succeed but she’s not going to coddle you. At times she takes things too far and her inability to refrain from judgment can cause others to be distant. She is very self-aware and makes no apologies for who is she. She is wise, often too wise for her own good, and has a hard time admitting defeat. At the end of the day she just wants to take care of those she loves, even if it’s at the expense of taking care of herself.

Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren-The Clown

This girl is 100 percent emotion, 100 percent of the time. Like a true clown, she can make you laugh until you cry or scare the living shit out of you. She has very little self-control and she knows it. She deflects her insecurities with extreme gestures. By nature she’s a lover, but will fight when necessary. She needs to be taken care unconditionally and without judgment. When and if she trusts you, she will be as loyal as one can be.

Brooke Soso- The Dreamer

This girl has her head in the clouds. She’s optimistic even when the world around her is falling apart. She is perfectly happy in her La-La-Land and if you have nothing positive to say she doesn’t want to hear it. Most people consider her to be a weakling but she’s a lot stronger than she gets credit for. She believes whole heartedly in the old adage that you attract more bees with honey than vinegar.

Nicky Nichols- The Poor-Little-Rich-Girl

This girl has issues with her parents to be sure. She was either neglected or smothered and as a result she lashes out with all sorts of vices. Wealth was an important part of her life but she resented it more often than not. She has a loud mouth to compensate for her inner-demons but don’t be mistaken—what she has to say has value and merit. She’s seen her fair share of hardship despite her parent’s bankroll. She’s headstrong, witty, and isn’t afraid to push the limits on societal conventions.

Tiffany “Pennsatucky” Doggett-The Preacher

This is the friend who will metaphorically (and possibly literally) rip your head off for disputing anything she has to say—primarily on all things moral and political. She believes very strongly in her convictions and isn’t likely to understand the word “compromise.” She doesn’t want to argue or have intellectual conversations—she wants you listen, smile, nod, and agree. You can admire her ability to fight for what she considers important even if you think it’s a bunch of horseshit. She is passionate to the point of obsession and if you’ll hate her for judging you but you’ll appreciate her whole heartedly when she’s supporting you.

Dayanara “Daya” Diaz-The Wife

This girl really just wants to be loved. She aspires to live in the suburbs with her children, adorable dog, and doting husband. She refuses to be mocked for her simpler values. Sometimes love and passion cloud her judgment but she feels no guilt about it. She will do whatever it takes in the name of her family and those she loves.

Lorna Morello-The Mystery

This girl appears in control and well-put-together on the outside but most of the time she’s got 1,000 different things going on in her head. She’s sweet, compassionate, and a bit eccentric. She’s always there to support you and doesn’t ask for anything in return. Sometimes she’ll seem a bit sad or just generally-off but you won’t know why. She keeps her skeletons in her closet for as long as possible. She knows that the safest secrets are the ones you keep with yourself. Sometimes you will get a slight peek into her life, but you’ll never know the whole story. You’ll love her but you’ll never really get her.