Will He Hit it and Quit it or Stick Around?
As a woman, when I go out and meet people there are so many times where I have to sit there and analyze clues as to whether some guy just wants to get in my pants or if he’s the “real deal”. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know even the nicest guys still want sex – no one is saying that it’s wrong, but sitting there and having to figure out what he’s really after has become a part of our generation’s dating world. Instead of focusing on the interesting, funny, and possibly incredibly person we’re on a date with, we analyze the little subtle things he may or may not be doing to try and figure him out.
Perhaps the doubt is ingrained in us from our past experiences. The guys we’ve dated in the past have disappointed us and we start looking for similar personality traits or “red flags” with each new guy we meet. We’re so emotionally damaged from our past that we start bringing it into the present. But honestly, like with most things in life, if we’re seeking something we’re likely to find it. If we’re walking into the date looking for the assholes, chances are, we’re going to find exactly what we’re looking for.
I can only imagine this phenomenon from a nice guy’s point of view. How many dates do you pay for that end up going nowhere because a woman approaches each guy she meets with the same level of caution? How do we really differentiate between the nice guys and the “hit it and quit it” ones? We can say its intuition all we want, but there’s a high probability that we’re skimming over some nice guys based on certain assumptions. We’re not really giving every guy a fair chance because we’re approaching each one with a certain level of cynicism that doesn’t need to exist. Sometimes it seems like we’ve forgotten what giving someone the benefit of the doubt really means and instead make each man we meet jump through hoops.
Making a guy work for it is a good way to weed out the assholes, but there’s also a certain point where you cross the line and it becomes a chore and possibly even insulting for the guy. The nice guys are forced to hear the question “Why are you being so nice to me” or “why are you doing this” just because there were assholes that came before him. Instead of questioning his intentions, it may be best to question our own internal issues. How far will he have to go to prove himself to you? We are putting men through the ringer but are surprised and even offended when a guy bothers to question whether a woman is just after him for his money. If he has taken you out on 8 dates and you’re still questioning what he’s after, why can’t he question what you’re after?
This results in everyone being really disconnected from each other. Instead of forging meaningful connections and relationships, even in the scenario where both people want to, everyone stays distant in order to protect themselves. We put up walls where none needed to exist just because there’s a possibility of an imperfect outcome.
Instead of having a doubtful eye on each person we meet, why aren’t we just accepting the generosity and kindness that every good human is willing to give?
Veronika Klebanova | News Cult