Mourning Joan Rivers: 10 Funniest Quotes From the Funny Lady Herself

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Yesterday was the day every Jewish grandma and closeted gay kid were dreading, Joan Rivers passed away. As we all try to cope in a world that’s a little less funny, we tend to remember the good ole days. Here are some of the funniest quotes from Joan Rivers, it’s no wonder she was cherished by so many people.


1. “I hate thin people; ‘Oh, does the tampon make me look fat?'”

2. I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.”

3. “Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say ‘My wife makes a delicious cake’ to some hooker?”

4. “I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, ‘The man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”

5. “I’m no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.”

6. “I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

7. “I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.”

8. “You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.”

9. “I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.”

10. “I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer’s. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.”

Gayana Sark | News Cult