The 10 Commandments To Being Friends With Benefits

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So, you want to embark on a casual, no-strings attached relationship? Just sex, no emotional commitment; get in, get off, get out. A friends with benefits relationship is like a dream to come true most, which can quickly turn into a nightmare for others.

This is great in theory, but often fails miserably in execution. Being friends with benefits is a fun, mutually beneficial relationship where you don’t have to take anyone out on a date, but you get to call them at one in the morning to hook up. No fancy dinners, no roses, no gifts, no bullshit.

Seems simply enough, so why do most of these relationships end terribly? We’re is here to give you the 10 commandments to making your friends with benefits relationship work.

Commandment #1: Thou Shall Not Fall in Love

This relationship yields a different kind of happy ending. You shouldn’t be expecting prince charming to come rescue you on a white horse; you should expect someone hung like a horse that makes you come (hopefully). This is the easiest rule to remember but the hardest rule to follow. It’s understandable that you can eventually start to feel comfortable in this set-up you’ve got going and feelings may start to blossom. If that happens, bitch-slap yourself, sprinkle some cold water on your face, have a drink, and remember, there’s a reason you didn’t want to date this person to begin with.

Commandment #2: Thou Shall Not Text unless it’s a Sext

The only text message you should be sending a friend with benefits is “my place or yours?” and possibly a naked picture that may or may not end up online someday. Other than that, don’t ask how their day was, what they had for lunch, or make any kind of bullshit small talk via text because you’re bored. Friends with benefits have strict guidelines, if they are crossed, it leaves room for error.

Commandment #3: Thou Shall Not Go On a Date with a Friend with Benefits

Anything, and I do mean anything can constitute a date. So, you have to be extra careful. Grabbing a coffee the morning after? Date. Quick bite to eat before a quickie? Date. Anything that promotes conversation outside of yelling out “Oh God” … date. Going out with someone who you have a strictly sexual relationship with, leaves the door open for emotional attachment. Emotional attachment will then lead to feelings. Feelings will then lead to your humping buddy crying over a relationship that doesn’t actually exist.

Commandment #4: Thou Shall Not Introduce to Friends

The biggest friend with benefits faux pas is introducing them to your friends and family. This is absolutely unacceptable, unless you introduce them as follows: “Hey guys this is ______, we have a strict bone when we’re horny relationship so you’re not allowed to like this person, because I don’t.” If you introduce your friend with benefits to the people who matter in your life, and they actually end up like the person, you’ll never hear the end of it. So, save yourself the headache and a week of soul searching and keep the relationship under wraps.

Commandment #5: Thou Shall Keep The Door Open for New Relationships

The reason these kinds of relationships rarely work out is because people close themselves off from finding someone they actually want to be with. They think because they already have someone they’re sleeping with, they don’t need to look for anyone else. A friend with benefits is a temporary fix and should never be misconstrued as a relationship. You have to be open to the possibility of meeting someone who may actually like, and eventually closing your legs to the past.

Commandment #6: Thou Shall Not Get Jealous

Keep the lines of communication open. If you’ve met someone you like, have the courtesy to tell your sexual significant other. On the other hand, if they have met someone they like, under no circumstances can you get jealous. The ground rules were set from the being, sex, nothing more. You should be able to be emotionally unattached to a friend with benefits (if you follow the commandments above) and be able to make a clean break from one another.

Commandment #7: Thou Shall Know The Difference Between a Back-Up and a FWB

Quick tutorial: A back-up and a friend with benefits are two totally and completely different entities. A back-up is a friend you most likely have never slept with. You bring them to family functions, birthday, and office parties, etc. This person is most likely your best friend of the opposite sex (or same, whatever floats your boat). A back-up is someone you may eventually end up with because everyone in your life already loves and accepts them. Never, ever, confuse a back-up for a friend with benefits. Back-up are for public, friends with benefits are for private.

Commandment #8: Thou Shall Not Cuddle

Save that shit for your next relationship. The beauty of a friend with benefits is that normal rules don’t apply. You don’t have to cuddle afterwards, or spend the night, you can tell the person what you like and how you like it and no feelings should ever get hurt. This is a no holds bar relationship, get yours and go.

Commandment #9: Thou Shall Not Be FWB with an Actual Friend

Friends with benefits works best if it’s with a person you’ve recently met and haven’t bonded with. Don’t get me wrong, plenty of us can get drunk and hook up with a person who is actually a good friend. The trick is to not let that one hook up lead into a full blown friend with benefits relationship. People who were actually friends before have an underlying emotional attachment to one another and that may lead to a hot mess of a relationship.

Commandment #10: Thou Shall Follow All of My Rules

Because I know what I’m talking about.

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